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[attr="class","toptext"]i found peace in your violence

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The sun was lower than usual when Cotton finally stepped out of his office, hanging up a sign to indicate his absence as he shrugged his overshirt on. His appointments had run long today, clients carrying more on their shoulders than could be covered in his standard hour. Not that he minded; he really didn't. The schedule he kept was fluid at best, barely existent at worst; and a mid-afternoon late lunch was a small price to pay for working some of his patients closer to stability. Still, he was grateful to be out now, the heaviness of the day settling over him with a dull weight and drawing a sigh from him as he started the walk towards his usual spot for lunch. [break]
For once, the man kept his focus away from his phone as he meandered down the sidewalk. Something in the day was making his focus drift, amber eyes lifting to absently stare at the buildings and walkways he passed without processing much of it. The air was warm around him, though cooling with the peak of the day past; a million people out and about and bustling from place to place on bikes or on foo. The blur of colors and movement and indistinct voices only served to make Cotton feel suddenly, inescapably lonely; the empty space beside him and the solitude that awaited him at home suddenly feeling much more hollow than they usually did. The sudden punch of it made him shiver, and he drew in on himself a bit; avoiding the flickers of long gone, remembered friendship that teased at the edges of his mind. [break]
The walk to his lunch place had never felt so long. [break]
Thankfully, he was finally getting close; the familiar building managing to break through the haze around him and catch his attention. Finally. Maybe the chatter there would chase off whatever was eating him, or at the very least he could be distracted by french fries. Goal in sight, he quickened his pace and trotted towards the tiny restaurant. Only, as he approached he caught wind of something else; a voice singing and carrying on the gentle breeze, and in an instant his path diverted. The change was almost subconscious, his head lifting as an old, deeply familiar melody wound through his mind. Before he could even think of the lyrics they had started to bubble forth, and he sang under his breath, following the muffled sound of the unknown performer down a stretch of sidewalk he rarely ventured down. [break]
"And I won't let go, what I called a home; Unless, it slipped right through my fingers in the rain.." [break]
Street performers weren't too uncommon around this slower area, but this one was different. This was a song he hadn't anticipated to hear again; hadn't heard in years; and the warmth of it drew him in like a moth to a lamp. At the very least he could tip this singer; give him a few dollars for this performance that had so suddenly changed the tone of his day. Moving briskly now, he followed his ears and murmured the words to himself, growing ever closer until he could finally see the shape of a man sitting on the edge of a wall, plucking away a a guitar and singing with his whole heart. [break]
"I'm starin' at the clouds, you know I hate this weather. But we could work it out, I swear I could do better..." [break]
And then he froze, blinking once or twice at the sheer impossibility of what he was looking at. Or rather, who he was looking at. For a moment he just stood there, noting somewhere in his mind that the voice fit. It was a deeper, older version of the one he'd known all those years ago. The look matched too, with a face he'd never forgotten, and despite himself Cotton felt a smile bloom across his face as he dared to step closer. [break]
"Jazz?"

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There was a split second, when Jasper fixed him in a long moment of owl-eyed silence, where Cotton's heart froze in his chest and he very nearly dropped his smile. Maybe it had been too much to presume that his childhood companion would want to see him again; hell, he might not even recognize him after all these years. Sure they had been inseparable when they were young, but just because that memory had followed Cotton this far didn't mean that Jasper had fixated on it in the same way. Suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed, the taller man shrank back a little; his expression shifting to sheepishness as the quiet between them carried on. Still, he didn't run, as he remembered also that his friend had been a bit shy and tended to blank out when startled, even when they'd known each other before. Maybe that was all that was going on now? Hopefully... [break]
While he waited for something more to fill the space, he took the liberty of looking over his old friend. He looked healthy, thankfully; the years hadn't taken out too much cruelty on him. His rusty brown hair flaired out from under his hat in every direction, and his friendly hazel eyes hadn't changed a bit. He was handsome, there was no denying that; and despite his nervousness Cotton couldn't help but be happy that Jasper looked alright. His sudden disappearance with his parents years ago had led him to fear something terrible could have happened, and it was a relief to know that wasn't the case. [break]
This train of thought was derailed entirely when the other man moved to turn off his camera, and the greeting that was offered made Cotton feel as if his heart might explode. He did remember, after all this time this was really happening! Unable to contain his excitement, the larger man hurried toward his old friend, wrapping him tight in a bear hug for the ages. Despite himself he could feel tears beginning to prickle at the edge of his vision. This was real. After all this time of missing and wishing and hoping, he'd really just so happened to find his oldest friend again. [break]
"Oh Jazzie it's so good to see ya, I've missed ya so much you've got no idea! It's been far too long, and that was your singin'? You're amazing!" [break]
All at once it dawned on him that this might be a bit much, and he attempted to back off a bit; the anxiety returning and touching his voice as he spoke. [break]
"Sorry, sorry; didn't mean to get carried away there I'm just... I really am so glad to see you, Jazz. I was beginnin' to worry I'd never get the chance again."

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For the first seconds of conversation, that twenty years of separation weighed heavy. In some part of Cotton's mind he idly wondered if they were strangers now; though he immediately wanted to reject the idea. He could never view Jasper as a stranger, not after everything; but he couldn't know if the other had felt the same way. That kind of time could change people, could change relationships. What if he didn't know his oldest friend at all, now? Perhaps he'd been too eager, considering his old companion could easily see him as unfamiliar now. The uncertainty mixed with emotional excitement, pulling down his usually steady personality and creating a storm of butterflies in his stomach. Still smiling, almost bashfully now, he paused his talking and tried to gather himself, nearly drowning in the conflicting waves of emotions that kept hitting him one after another. [break]
That conflict found its peace, however, when Jasper began apologizing. It was almost as though a switch had been flipped; draining away those years of absence in the blink of an eye. Of course they weren't strangers, this was still Jasper; kind and creative as ever, and still too hard on himself. He knew the look he saw on the other man's face; that expression of whirling anxiety he'd come to recognize when they were kids. It made his heart ache, everything in him wanting only to comfort somehow, to tell Jazz he'd never been angry. All a once his face softened, his smile touched with sadness and his gaze gentle. He made no move to come closer, not wanting to startle the other too much, instead just speaking; his voice warm and quiet. [break]
"Hey, hey Jazz... You've got nothin' to apologize for, ok? I don't blame you, I never did. I know it wasn't your fault. Ya don't have to be sorry." [break]
He trailed off there, choking on the lump that had formed in his throat. It stung to see how hurt Jasper was; how much he'd clearly blamed himself for something he never could have controlled. The urge to pull the other man close was strong; just like he would have done when they were children, comforting each other and talking things out in late sunny afternoons. For now he resisted though, just standing and waiting; leaving the decision of how to proceed with his friend. [break]
When Jasper walked closer, however, placing that hand on his shoulder and speaking in such shocked softness, Cotton's dam finally broke. The tears that had burned behind his eyes finally escaped, rolling down his cheeks as he lifted his own hand and put it on top of the other's. Hee smiled at the contact, equally relieved to know he also hadn't been hallucinating this whole thing; before speaking in a voice that threatened to crack with emotion at any second. [break]
"Yeah Jazzie, I'm actually here. I promise."

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The sudden feeling of Jasper's hands wiping his tears was certainly a surprising sensation for Cotton, though not at all an unwelcome one. The action was familiar, comforting in its nostalgia and warmth. He might have even leaned into the touch, grateful for the heartbeat of contact and the way it smothered the loneliness that had risen in him only a few minutes ago. Before he could speak up though, the touch disappeared as quickly as it had come; vanishing and leaving only an apology in its wake. For a second Cotton was confused, skittish with the idea that he might have done something wrong. His expression likely betrayed his anxiety, the unspoken questions and sorries getting caught in his throat. Somehow it didn't seem like it should be his place to speak up; the bewilderment was already plain without him voicing it, so instead he nervously fidgeted with the collar of his shirt and glanced at the ground, trying not to let guilt wash over him for pushing too hard. [break]
He was opening his mouth to offer his own apology when Jasper spoke, and his words died in his throat as his anxiety faded to realization. It made sense really, in a painful way. Of course the man who had been guilty for pulling them apart years ago had left his mark in the time since then. Cotton had at least managed to get away, it had been some time since he'd had to deal with his parents. Poor Jazz had been stuck with his, and subjected to god knows how many cruel words in that time. It made Cotton's heart twist sharply in his chest, sadness and grief flooding through him. God, if only he could have been there to comfort, or help, or maybe drown out those hateful speeches. He'd give anything for that. Instead Jasper had been hurting along, and that made Cotton ache down into his soul. [break]
He wasn't exactly the same himself, the experiences of the years had shaped him, but at the very least he'd gotten to embrace the truth of who he was. [break]
Still, he nodded in response to Jasper's words, hoping he could convey that he understood. Of course it would take time. Friendships don't spring up out of thin air, but that was okay, right? They had time. This time there wasn't anybody to drag them apart. The memory of that night gnawed at Cotton, the unhealed part of him fearing that abandonment again, but he pushed it away as best as he could. It was okay. This was okay. [break]
He smiled at Jasper. [break]
"Don't worry, I understand. Take all the time ya need ok? I won't go away again unless you ask me to. [break]
His voice was still quiet, rusty and gentle. Usually he'd have better words than these, but the sheer scale of the moment had kneecapped his speaking. Hopefully it would be enough. [break]
I hope you won't either. I hope you still like me. I'm sorry for my changes, life hasn't always been kind. But I promise I've still got your back! [break]
Reaching a hand up to ruffle through his own hair, Cotton let himself relax a bit again; his expression opening up a bit and his voice lifting as he went on. [break]
"I was headed over to the little diner a couple streets over for lunch, would you maybe wanna come with me, and catch up a little? If you're up for it, I mean." {/b}

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Jasper's nod was matched by a relieved half-smile, content to know that some of the anxiety had been soothed. The last thing Cotton wanted to do was upset his old friend, or god forbid be something bad and traumatizing for him. Honestly it was almost strange; his whole job revolved around his ability to know how to be calming and comforting; able to read everyone around him and respond accordingly. But something about this made him feel like a kid again, just hoping that he could do the right thing and trying his best. All the professionalism melted away like new snow, leaving confused good intentions..It was sort of pleasant in a way. After so many years of reading and adjusting and analyzing every interaction this felt more natural, fluid and warm and simple. When was the last time his interactions had been simple? [break] [break]
He broke free from his thoughts when Jasper agreed to accompany him to lunch, brightening instantly and almost bouncing on his feet. Despite his attempts to not be too much, the taller man could do nothing about the way his eyes lit up and his steps grew almost springy. Who could really blame him though, considering the sheer emotion of the last several minutes? [break] [break]
"Oh yeah, of course! Here, let me help ya pack up, just tell me what to do so I don't break anythin' yeah?" [break]
At once he hurried to help, lifting the equipment with ease and putting it up according to Jasper's occasional instructions. For the most part the work was silent, but it wasn't the same heavy and uncomfortable silence from before. This one was easy and companionable, and Cotton was content to let it rest and give Jazz the time to think. For his part, he preoccupied himself with settling down. Right now, between his pounding heart and the butterflies still dancing with excitement and shock in his ribcage he felt like bursting, and that was not the best state to be in for getting lunch. [break] [break]
Thankfully, by the time the two of them had managed to get everything securely in the car he had managed to simmer down at least enough to manage. Satisfied with both their handiwork and his clear head, Cotton gave a nod and shut the door to the trunk. The announcement behind him made him spin on his heel, trotting over to his companion and piping up with a cheery tone. [break]
"Awesome! Me too. And y'know, I cant get over the fact that you've got a car like that, I still haven't learned how to drive. Don't reckon I will anytime soon either, I don't think I can see quite good enough to be gettin' behind a wheel, so color me impressed!" [break]
He fell into step beside Jasper as he talked, guiding him to the restaurant in question without taking a lead. When the smaller man spoke he turned to look at him, his smile softening at the sentiment and his voice lowering back into its more gentle tone.[break]
"Ah, well... Time is something we have plenty of, now that we've found each other again. You can always take a moment when ya need them, we have 'em to spare. I'll be here for ya while you're workin' things out, and you can talk to me about it anytime. I won't be leavin' you again."

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Cotton offered little answer to his Jasper's sweet words. There seemed to be no need for any. Instead he just flashed a gentle smile, his heart swelling happily at the comment. Taking a quick sidestep he affectionately and playfully bumped Jazz, nudging the smaller man as they walked. The touch was quick, done in agreement and assurance; a silent 'I am too' to avoid making things too emotional. Thankfully, the topic changed before he could think too hard and get himself all choked up, big sap that he was. He'd already cried enough for the time being. [break] [break]
Somehow, despite the fact they were meant to be catching up, the question about what he'd been up to startled Cotton. For a moment he hesitated, wondering where in his timeline he should start. The first several years after Jazz had been gone were dark times, filled with things he didn't want his old friend to have to know; just thinking about it made an almost pained grimace touch his features for a heartbeat. It was gone just as fast though, smoothed over as the larger man quickly did a mental fast forward past all of that to the more recent developments. There was no need for Jazz to know about the overpass, or what had led him to be on it. [break]
No need at all. [break] [break]
"Well, I figured out I like helping people, and I'm sort of good at it! So I got some college under my belt and started my own little practice as a therapist, not far from here at all. I do have to walk everywhere yeah but, I live close to where I work so it isn't too bad. I've got a garden back home too, the complex owners let me rent the roof for a little extra and I sell what I grow to the people in the other complexes. You know how I always was about plants, and all. [break]
He broke off here with a chuckle, remembering how excited he'd gotten over the smallest weeds when they were little. [break]
"I guess some things never change. I'll always be a green-haired green thumb!" [break] [break]
He flashed a grin then, straightening up a little. Talking about his work always gave him a sense of pride. It may nnot be a lot, but he was good at it, and that gave him a sense of purpose at least. [break]
"I don't think there's a lot else to tell... I go to work, I eat lunch at the same place most of the time, I go home and take care of my fish and on my off days I garden. It's not a super exciting story or anything, but I make it work. I'm glad to have something finally break the monotony though, it was startin' to get a little lonesome. [break]
He looked down at his feet, idly trying to step over the cracks in the sidewalk as he spoke. It was hard to admit to his loneliness, even in the form of a joke, but at least he wasn't lonely now! [break]
Shaking those thoughts off he lifted his head again, tilting it curiously at the other as they grew close to the little diner.
"What about you? What've you been up to for the past while, Jazzie?"

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The compliments caught Cotton off guard, and at once his cheeks dusted with a faint touch of pink. Dropping his gaze with a shy smile he lifted one hand to rub at the back of his neck, clearly bashful. He couldn't remember the last time someone had been so genuinely kind about anything to do with him, and it was very nearly enough to overflow his little heart. Softly he chuckled, giving a bit of a sheepish shrug and stammering for a second before managing to fish up a good response. [break]
"Ah, well, thank you. I don't know about amazing, but I'm doing my best. It was the only thing I had enough passion for to do every day, y'know? And you know I've been doing it for free since we were little, so I might as well get a job doing it." [break]
He chuckled at that part, smiling for a second before he continued. [break]
"I'd like to think I'm not bad at it. I hope, at least. [break] [break]
Speaking of which, his perceptiveness for reading people did not fail him here. It was not lost on Cotton the way Jasper looked to the ground upon being asked; or the way his answer seemed intentionally vague. It piqued the therapist's curiosity, but he elected not to press the issue. If his friend wanted to share more, he'd do so in his own time. He had his reasons for not being forthcoming, surely. The response gave him enough to chew on for the moment anyway, and he tilted his head, a beaming grin stretching across his face. [break]
Yeah! I know you've always been a good singer Jazzie, but the way you were going when I found you, that was something else! Your voice is gorgeous. I'm glad you never stopped singing. [break]
It was true, not at all empty compliments. Jasper had come miles from when they'd sung together as children, if he could sound that bbeautiful with just his voice and a guitar. [break]
"As for the art and skateboarding, I'd love to see what you've been doing in both! If you'd be willing to show me, of course." [break] [break]
By now they had approached the door to the small restaurant where Cotton almost always ate his lunches. Courteous on instinct, the taller man held the door open for his companion before following him inside. Much to his surprise, the friendly young waitress who usually took his order from behind the counter seemed oddly fixated on his friend; her eyes widening in surprise and a wide smile breaking across her face as she realized who had just come in. Bewildered, Cotton cast a glance between her and Jazz, noting the almost starstruck look she wore as she finally got around to greeting them.[break]
"Oh! Mr. Jasper, how special to see you in here today! Ah, sorry, I'm just a big fan is all. What can I get for you and your friend today?" [break] [break]
Jeez, she'd even forgotten she knew Cotton by name. He wasn't especially hurt though, only curious as he ordered fish and chips for himself before stepping back to wait. Again, he didn't intend to question it right now, if Jasper wanted to explain, then surely he would.