I know I am more then they see

I won't be what you want me to be, your picture perfect vanity

When the sheets were soaked with sweat, and she felt her heart hammering in her chest, she knew it would be a long day. Her gut tended to be proved right ( although was it because she was cynical and no longer hoped? sometimes she wondered if she was just self-fulfilling her bad feelings - but that would be ridiculous wouldn't it? ) and today was not much of an exception. She arrived at the church and he was quite a bit more surly then usual. Not that any of the few that actually showed up on such a dreary day would notice behind his facade. But she knew better then that. She could read his movements, and the little signs that warned her he was not in a good mood.

( a dreary day, perfectly matched with such a dreary life. gray and empty, the threat of rain and the biting cold wind, something comforting to her but not to many. still, she knew that it would only get worse. because that's how the world worked - give something nice and soft, but hide the nightmare's edge right behind the pastel colours, ready to drag you in deeper and eat you alive. )

So when night would start to fall, he would call her to him. Steeling herself internally, she was ( for once pleasantly ) surprised to find that he did not wish for that ( unusual as it was, she couldn't help but be relieved inside ) and instead wanted her to do a small run. A simple delivery, he said, to an asset. It was then she recalled that he mentioned she would have to cater to a partner's specific asset, in any way, shape or form they desired. ( and that was the knife under the satin - digging into her soul but she would never give in if she could avoid it. she would do anything. manipulating was an art she learned by watching, and maybe, just maybe this wouldn't be a dumpster fire ) She simply nodded her agreement, leaving the walls up and intact.

So when she was instructed to go as a nun to prove she had done the first delivery, and then be discrete afterwards? She wanted to do something ( rip, tear, scream, anything to counter this asinine stupidity ) since she knew it would be harder for her. But holding her tongue had become something Mary was rather good at, over the years. So she held her peace ( still wanting to break something however ) and once again simply nodded. It was only once she had the package, and was out of the door that she took in a deep breath.

The autumn wind bit at her lungs, and she smiled faintly. ( the first real smile of the day - a treasure that wouldn't last )

It only occurred to her that she was perhaps supposed to wait a day or two when she knocked on the door of the dingy apartment, and had no answer. The instructions had been thankfully clear ( confusing roadmaps would have not been amusing ) so she knew she was in the right place. If there was a smidge of irritation when she knocked again ( after waiting a respectable ten minutes, not a lot of people have that kind of patience ), well she couldn't very well be blamed for it could she? But something lodged itself in her throat, the awareness that something was off. But shaking the feeling off ( but not forgetting ) she was about to debate on knocking a third time ( and maybe calling out this time, no matter how much of a faux pas and red flag that was ) when the door cracked open.

''Hello?'' he called.

Because she could tell now that this was a male, and then immediately she saw the disgust. ( for a moment, her heart stopped, thinking he saw her - but then she realized he saw her habit first, his eyes hadn't even met her own yet. if she was honest, she was also pretty disgusted with religion but that was a thought swiftly buried because this was her life now ) So, in turn, she felt her own eyes harden. Chips of ice, purposefully staring at this man's ( boy ) face, waiting for the eye contact. She wanted him to feel the night cold nip at his bones, because she was not amused with that little sharp retort. But she would let it pass, easily affixing a fake smile. Not wide, but just enough to be gentle. After all, she had an image to maintain - and the observant would notice her frosty gaze.

( but she couldn't know she was dealing with a genuine idiot, not yet at least )

''You must be Nikki then? If you could let me in, I have a package that came for you under Our Care at the church.'' she said, deciding to go with polite. She knew he could see it in her hands, she wasn't quite hiding it. The packaging was innocuous enough ( and she thanked however was smart enough for that ) that it was fine to leave exposed. But, unwilling to leave it blankly like that, she decided to add on something to her words.

''I do hope I have the right person, after all these came straight from the Doctor.''

It was all she knew, but hopefully it was enough for this to not end badly. She hadn't forgotten her instincts ( honed through life, through hardship and sorrow ) that warned her that something was off, that something was dangerous. It coiled at the bottom of her stomach, but again practice hiding things makes perfect. ( or had it just become her natural state of being? she doesn't know anymore ) Hopefully she could get in, do what she had to do, and get out with no fuss. ( no muss, but since when was that a thing in her life? )

So she could only patiently wait for him to process her words and let her in.

NICKLAUS STRAUSS

I know I am more then they see

I won't be what you want me to be, your picture perfect vanity

she saw it, the moment her words sunk in for him. ( and she couldn't help but feel a bit vindicated - his sharp first impression had been shattered by her own hand, and she wanted to lord that over him. but she was better then that, she knew that much, no matter how much she wished she wasn't ) but it still seemed to take time for him to actually do something about it. and honestly, normally she'd just let it go but - seriously? she had been waiting out here for at least fifteen to twenty minutes already. ( get with the program already, he's seriously making her hard work in vain. she tried so goddamn hard to make sure they were innocuous, but right now she's half tempted to see if she can scratch his eyes out of sheer irritation ) but she merely breathed, kept the smile on her face. ( she's gotten too good at pretending. )

and when his brain cells seemed to have finally activated, things started to move. he invited her in ( even if he did glance out behind her, suspicious. the feeling in her gut tightened. ) and well, needless to say she felt trapped already. good lord, how can a single person be this messy? then again, her eyes taking in the bare room, she knows exactly why. and what is in the package now. she wants to hurl it and run out of disgust ( but that would get her killed, quartered in dead. probably why she contemplated it longer then she should have. ) but she stood her ground. she had her orders and she would follow them as much as she could. so with a movement, she found herself placing the package on the only space open on the table.

( that's a lot of weapons... tools. she's not stupid, and the feeling of dread in her stomach became an iron weight, and she knows she has to walk carefully. )

her lips purse as she takes in the bed and the chair. and after a moment, she considers neither, and finds herself turning her gaze to the man that owned this filthy room. ( not that she had much to say herself, her own room was probably just as filthy. not that anyone saw it, except for her. ) "I am no mere delivery woman." she says, her tone clear cut. and this time, it would take a terminal idiot to not notice the sharpness in her words. "I am here for anything you need." she says.

her ice gaze looks for his own.

"Anything." she repeats.

NICKLAUS STRAUSS