ABOUT VANIAH

[attr="class","omapponestatusimg"]

[attr="class","omapponestatus"]

[attr="class","omapponepersonality1"]SUBJECT TEMPERAMENT

[attr="class","omapponelikes"]

[attr="class","omapponelikes"]

[attr="class","omapponemisc3"]

[attr="class","omapponemisc4"]

[attr="class","omapponemisc1"]

[attr="class","omapponemisc2"]

[attr="class","omapponemisc2"]

[attr="class","omapponebio1"]

In the beginning, there is a mother who wants better for her a child, a father who does not want a child, and a young, married couple who cannot have a child.
[break][break]
Vaniah has never known vis birth parents, but vis adopted parents tell ver that vis middle name - Alejandro - comes from vis mother. They also tell ver that vis mother told them she knew ve would grow up to look just like vis father. Ve doesn't know if that’s a good thing.
[break][break]
(Spoiler: Ve still doesn’t.)
[break][break]
-
[break][break]
The Ewen family has been in Seattle for generations.
[break][break]
Vaniah is told over and over that their roots are woven into the concert sidewalks of the city itself with a smile and a laugh, and for as long as their family has been in Seattle, they've been members of the Cult of Ilmartir.
[break][break]
Vaniah remembers all the ceremonies ve's attended, all the rituals ve's sat through and every dirty look tossed vis way, as if vis existence was something to be disgusted about. Vaniah has never liked attending ceremonies with the cult, they always leave ver feeling not like verself, but ve goes anyway because it's what is expected of ver, and ve doesn't not know how to say no.
[break][break]
-
[break][break]
Vaniah knows from the start ve is not like other children.
[break][break]
Ve doesn't associate with things ve should, and associates with things ve shouldn't. There is a careful balance that society is built upon, and Vaniah doesn't want to care for it. In the face of bullies and brats, ve asks, over and over, why what ve wants is so wrong but there are no answers for ver.
[break][break]
Vis parents ignore Vaniah, even when covered in cuts and bruises and so often does ve wonder what ve’s done wrong.
[break][break]
Once, and only once, ve goes to a prayer ceremony for the Cult and asks, in the silence of the group prayer, just what ve was created for. If Ilmartir created ver, then there must be a reason to go along with ver, right?
[break][break]
There is no response from Ilmartir herself, and Vaniah doesn’t know what ve expected.
[break][break]
But, later, during the sermon, the head of the cult speaks, and the words tuck themselves so snugly into the curves of Vaniah’s mind, ve doesn’t think ve will ever forget them. He says, "Though our physical bodies were created in the hands of Ilmartir, it is our job to create our spiritual bodies in the hands we own. Ilmartir has given us the first step, and thus it is up to us to take the second."
[break][break]
Vaniah goes up to the cult head after and tells him ve enjoyed the sermon.
[break][break]
The older man smiles, "It was for you, my child. Ilmartir passed me your prayers, and I wanted to make sure you knew that just as she once created beauty with her own hands and mind, you can too, if you believe it to be true."
[break][break]
Vaniah goes home that day not feeling unwell, the feeling is so foreign, but so, so welcome too.
[break][break]
-
[break][break]
When Vaniah graduates from high school, vis relationship with vis parents is as strained as can be. Ve doesn't tell them where ve is going, and they don't ask questions when they take ver to the airport. [break][break]
Ve knows that there are members of the cult who don't like ver around, who still throw ver disgusted looks and whisper vis name in disgust in dark corners of the gathering place, but ve has learned to stop minding.[break][break]
Instead, on the plane from Seattle to New York City, ve thinks about the possibilities for the future and the goals ve has set for verself.[break][break]
When ve gets to vis dorm, there is another person there already. [break][break]
For a moment, Vaniah worries as the person turns, what their face might look like when their eyes land on ver, but ve pushes the thought away. Ve will not be held down by fears carried with ver from home. [break][break]
The Vaniah of New York will be a new one, ve will be someone ve has always wanted to be.
[break][break]
-
[break][break]
The only message Vaniah sends to vis parents in all the years ve spends in New York is this: I got into law school, just like you wanted.[break][break]
Their reply is a video chat as they tell ver that ve's made them proud. They smile as they use the pronouns ve used to beg them to use, and don't mention vis appearance a single time. "We're so proud of you," they say. "Our child is so hard-working and bright."[break][break]
If Vaniah were pettier, ve'd feel bitter and angry that they only want to see ver now, after ve's succeeded, but ve's not. So, ve revels in the praise and attention, bright and glowing long after vis parents have hung up.
[break][break]
-
[break][break]
When Vaniah comes back to Seattle, ve's different, but Seattle and it's people are different too.[break][break]
Vis parents are warm and welcoming, inviting ver over and asking about vis time in New York. It feels foreign and unreal, but nice at the same time. Vaniah knows ve is lucky to be able to experience this, to have this back and for a while, ve forgets what it feels like to not have the family ve's always wanted.
[break][break]
Vis parents take ver to a cult meeting, so many things have changed, but the fact all the Ewens in Seattle are devout to Ilmartir is not a surprise, but what comes after, is.
[break][break]
The cult leader is so different, preaching a message and tone so foreign and unfamiliar to what Vaniah is used to. Ve looks around, and finds the faces around ver are all unfamiliar.
[break][break]
Ve had been told the old leader had passed on, but ve didn't realise his message had died with him. The realisation makes vis stomach churn in violent knots, and when ve looks over at ver parents and family agreeing with the new message and tone of the cult, ve wonders if it was right of ver to come back.

[attr="class","omapponeplayerimg"]

[attr="class","omapponeplayername"]

call me
ZED

[attr="class","omapponeplayer1"]

[attr="class","omapponerenown"]

5%