ABOUT LEI

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TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse, prostitution. lei chen is not living his best life

“i need to tell you something. i’m…”

every second of silence that came after his confession felt like it crawled by. he knew that they needed moment, to let the words sink and to come up with a way to reply to his abrupt revelation. yet, he still couldn’t help simultaneous flood of both hope and dread welling up inside his chest. what if they hated him? what if they took it badly? but they loved him, surely they’d understand. and even if they didn’t understand at first, they’d at least try- [break][break]

and then his father’s words felt a knife being shoved between his ribs. [break][break]

“get out.” [break][break]

all breath left him and suddenly he felt like his insides were carved out of ice. a sudden chill sweeping over his body so quickly, it felt like he was frozen to the bone. was he even breathing anymore? [break][break]

“dad…” [break][break]

“get out. pack your things and get out of my house.” [break][break]

the words didn’t feel real. they were the worst thing his father ever could’ve spoken. they were his worst nightmare and his deepest fear. “please, don’t do this. please.” [break][break]
a cautious hand on his arm interrupted his pleading, and he looked over at the person beside him. the person he’d brought with him to see his home, to see his parents. [break][break]

“lei, we should go.” [break][break]

“but…” [break][break]
he looked back to his parents, at his father’s stony expression, and found himself desperate. desperate for any of the previous fondness that had always permeated his parent’s expressions. but he couldn’t find a single scrap of it in his father’s eyes, and his mother hadn’t looked at him since the words had left his mouth. [break][break]
why couldn’t she look at him? had she heard what he’d said? had she heard what his father had said? [break][break]
his throat felt tight, but he managed to force out a shaky, “mom?” [break][break]
she flinched at the sound of his voice. [break][break]
she didn’t turn to face him. she didn’t respond to his plea. she just kept staring resolutely through the window on the other side of the room. [break][break]
she couldn’t even look at him. [break][break]
“lei, let’s go.”[break][break]
he left. [break][break]

“why?”

lei chen wasn’t stupid. he saw the signs, all the badly hidden secrets and hasty excuses. he saw all of them. [break][break]
it’d taken him so long to realise what they meant. but he hadn’t wanted to know the truth behind his husband’s hushed phone calls and increasingly frequent business trips. the unfamiliar cologne on his clothes, his
he’d asked about it before, and all he’d gotten in response was, “how could you think i’d ever do that to you?” and eventually, lei didn’t want to ask anymore. every time he’d failed to get a proper answer and instead gotten that rebuttal, he felt guilt scratch at his throat. how could he think that? didn’t he trust his husband? he did. of course, he did.
[break][break]
so, he stopped asking. he ignored the blatant signs that flashed in front of his eyes like bright neon lights. he wanted to keep pretending, just for a little while longer, that his husband wasn’t cheating on him. he just wanted what he’d given up so much to have. he though that, maybe if he pretended everything was alright, that his husband would eventually lose interest and come back to him. he wanted to pretend that it was just a fling, that it didn’t mean anything, that feelings weren’t involved. that maybe, he still loved him. [break][break]
but it was impossible to pretend when he came home to find it in his bed. [break][break]

“it was an accident. lei, you know i’d never hurt you.” [break][break]

he laughed. he couldn’t hold it in, the sound was shocked out of him, a high-pitched disbelieving giggle. he was just so dumbstruck by the sheer audacity of his husband. caught red-handed and he still had the gall to say ‘it was an accident’. he was a liar. [break][break]
all those times he’d asked and he’d made lei feel like the villain for so much as suspecting something was going on. [break][break]
his laughter quickly turned to tears. [break][break]
it was time to stop pretending. [break][break]

“how much?”

for a long moment, lei didn’t know what to say. [break][break]
the night had been long, and he was beyond exhausted from work. he’d covered another server’s shift right after his own had just ended, simply because no one else could and the poor girl had been so distressed about it. [break][break]
after he’d gotten divorced, things had gotten infinitely harder. his ex had gotten the house, so lei was forced to start over. he had no friends or family to fall back on, so he’d used the majority of his share of the funds from the divorce just to get a place to live. the bar he was working at didn’t particularly pay well, and the bills were starting to pile up. he was desperate. [break][break]
“how much for what?” he asked. but he already knew the answer. [break][break]
“for you.” [break][break]
the nerves gripped him tight, his hands trembling slightly as he stared at the man who’d stopped him. he was tall and very nicely dressed, though lei couldn’t really see his face in the dark. [break][break]
lei needed money. any money. he had never thought to resort to this, but here it was. practically being offered to him on a silver platter. it felt so easy. all he had to do was give the man a number. [break][break]
taking a deep, steadying breath, lei named his price.

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call me
KILEO

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