ABOUT SOLEDAD

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DRY YOUR EYES

Guilt has always been a familiar concept to her, even as a child. She felt a lot of it throughout the years, sometimes even just for existing. Maybe if her parents didn't have her to provide for then they wouldn't be in their current situation...[break][break]

Jobs were hard to come by when she was born. Her mother worked full time at a small diner and her father struggled to keep any type of work. Somehow they always made things work, Soledad being their top priority, but things were always rather difficult. Between her mother struggling to make ends meet to cover the lack of work on her father's end and taking care of a baby being both time and money consuming, she had always ever known third or fourth hand items. Her favorite toys were half broken things that her dad had glued back together or stuffed animals missing a little too much stuffing from holes that her mother had to sew up. Still, they were hers all the same and she cherished them even until adulthood.[break][break]

An only child, she was the object of her parent's affection. They were kind and loving people with a habit of trying to give her only the best that they could afford. Of course, that normally meant they went without a lot of luxuries that most families had. Television was a foreign concept to her until she was seven, listening to her friends talk about their favorite cartoons on the playground. The bullies were relentless after little Soledad tilted her head and asked with wide questioning brown eyes, "what's a telly vision?" Years of humiliation followed her throughout her time in school, stemming from missing out on expensive field trips or having uniforms with holes in them. Kids were never kind to her and each day, she resented school, resented the little rich mongrels that populated the place.[break][break]

Her parents tried their best to make things easier for her. Her mother picked up a few extra shifts to be able to afford better uniforms for her and her father had three part time jobs at one point just to be able to afford to send her on at least one field trip during middle school. Kids still picked on her regardless but in the back of her mind she knew that at least her parents were trying to make her happier. At least her parents loved her...[break][break]

High school came around and with it, a new array of students. It offered friends, a few more bullies, and the opportunity to get into a nice college on a good scholarship. She worked hard for that, spending the majority of her time studying in order to have top grades in her graduating year. Anything to help her parents and to rid herself of the budding guilt in the pit of her stomach. You see, she was more aware now than she was back when she was still wearing little purple dresses with matching bows in her hair. She knew how much more her parents were doing, how hard they were working themselves for her, for her future. Their little girl needed to succeed. If not for herself, then for them.[break][break]

Her mother's health was declining little by little during her senior year and things took a turn for the worse. Sure, her mother managed to recover, but the plethora of doctors visits and hospital bills? They could never pay those back. Insurance only covered so much and the rest? It would take her parents a lifetime to be able to pay off even half of the debt.[break][break]

Maybe that's what was going through her mind when she first slipped a small hand into a stranger's pocket and slipped a wallet into her sleeve.[break][break]

She had seen it done in a movie once, watching while her mother slept off another high fever in the dim light of a hospital room. It seemed simple, easy enough to do. Her hands were small and she had always possessed fast reflexes. It would work, or so she hoped.[break][break]

The first time was a disaster.[break][break]

Her old, worn charm bracelet had gotten stuck in someone's coat the first time, snapping from her wrist in her panic to get away. The stranger had, of course, noticed and alerted the nearest police officer with a quick shout of "Stop her! She tried stealing from me!" Soledad had never run as fast as that day. It was easier to disappear into a crowd than she first thought and somehow, she managed to flee with her tail between her legs to try again another day, another week even.[break][break]

Slowly, with enough practice the petite girl had managed to teach herself just enough through trial and a ton of error to finally get to a point where she could snatch wallets and watches from someone's person and blend back into the masses. She had no idea, however, that this way of trying to pay her parents back would result in too much. She was just treading water at first. Now? She'll drown soon if she doesn't figure out how to stop...

AND TESTIFY

Her parents have been questioning her lately about where the money is coming from.[break][break]

She passes it off as having a job outside of going to college. Another lie. They always seem to keep piling up...[break][break]

She steals more now with each passing day. A wallet or two on her way to classes, a watch on the way home. Pawn shops are her new hangout spots as of late and while she tries to remain unnoticed, she can't help but shake that anxious feeling of someone knowing what she's doing. Her anxiety increases with each item she sneaks up her sleeves. The guilt is almost overwhelming by now but she needs to do this. She needs to help her parents. At least, that's what she keeps telling herself.[break][break]

Another month and she'll be able to stop. The bills will be paid off... Then two months go by and she's still slipping her hands into pockets. Recently, she's been researching how to pick locks, the faint notion that maybe homes would be better targets. One home and she'll be set to never have to steal again. One more little heist and everything will go back to normal. She won't feel like a criminal anymore and the guilt won't eat away at her insides.[break][break]

It will never be that simple. She's in too deep now, idle hands snatching things she doesn't need. A collection of pens, pins, and business cards sit in the back of her closet from times where her mind wanders and so do her hands... A nasty occupation she built for a good cause is going south and her desperate need for money has turned into a problem. Only this problem... She doesn't know if she can solve. Besides, even if she does, will she want it to end?[break][break]

What does life feel like without guilt? Part of her doesn't think she'll ever get to know.

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call me
NIKKI

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